My interpretation of ADHD
ADHD can be both exhilarating and enthralling, yet disabling and self-sabotaging all at the same time.
The moment I learned that I was different my life transformed in front of my eyes. I had to live with my disability. Learning was difficult, not because I was stupid or unable. The process of learning was the existential culprit of my inadequacy. The issue was the stimulation, restlessness, sitting, and the inattention. Basically I was a living time bomb, programmed to explode. So by placing this time bomb in a classroom well, its bound to initiate a painstaking — caustic – KAABOOM!
This post will focus on a simple understanding of what having ADHD feels like, and a little more.
So I begin…
Tick – Tick – Tick. Sitting in a box, trapped, in an instant my human senses embodied the surrounding walls.
Imagine a white room. Cube like. Now, imagine the corners starting to bleed a rainbow mist. This analogy is a depiction of my senses, which would whirl and take over any room.
Now I am in a classroom; a chair a desk usually ended up a disaster. Torture. Like children in a toy store. Overwhelming amount of fun cool toys everywhere. Children begin this state of a wide eyed frenzy. Well, this frenzy is similar to my ability to learn. I couldn’t just focus on one toy… NO I wanted them ALL! Please, please, can I PLEASEEEEE… ADHD says “no”
The worst of being in a classroom was I wanted to learn ohh soooo SO bad.
I always wondered what it could feel like to be considered “standard” in society. I craved knowledge that was unbearable to consume.
Attention Deficit Hyper-Activity Disorder (ADHD) is a wide stream controversial topic. This post isn’t to argue Whether it is real or not. However, in my world, its very real. It consumes my life. It is my life. Its a part of me. So, I had to learn to grow synchronously with it. Then eventually take control. But as a child, my mind was a constant ticking bomb and I was waiting to for it to explode.
WOW CAREFUL. Try not to stare at too long. I did and got lost for about 2 min.. WOOO.
Have you ever been really interested in starting a book? I’m talking like ecstatic? Like you are so stoked, because not only does the subject-matter really interest you, but you are also inquisitive and your curiosity prompts you to tell/ask others about the book. You even order it online, because you seek immediate gratification and can sometimes be compulsive.
You start the book, but then you lose interest, get distracted, and meanwhile you find ANOTHER amazing book you want to read! It’s not long before days and weeks have passed. Now you have three or four new books you started, once your initial interests fade. You never finish the book, without a deadline or schedule, because you are acting at your own accord. Now you have a bunch of books half-finished scattered around the house, because simple things that require organization and regiment may not be your forte.
It’s like you are constantly starting and stopping books, stacking them without any method to the madness. As you get distracted, your interests shift, with shifted interests your energy and attention-span follow, until you revert back to getting distracted; then the cycle repeats…
Read more about the one time in class I discovered I was different. Here is how I overcame it.
I sat at the dining room table, restless. Seconds ticked by, became unbearable. I could hear and see everything I felt like cat woman. I got so frustrated with myself I began to break down by tapping my foot and moving my body from side to side. “Take a deep breath Morgan,” I say to myself. I exhale then inhale and relaxed my body…..
After school my head hung low, my lips began to quiver. Tears instantly rippled down my blubbery red cheeks then smacked the cold hard black surface beneath me…..