How I Learned To Step Back When I Knew My Health Was At Stake.
How I Learned You Can’t Make Everyone Happy All the Time.
Today I had to make a hard decision.
It wasn’t just an average day. It was pretty magnificent, that it scared me. Today was the day I learned about tough decisions, heartbreaks, laughter, and self-love.
It all started at 8 am when I had a meeting with a new family (new potential clients of mine) After I went to Washington D.C. To meet a guy who I’ve been hanging out with a lot lately.
I had a meeting this morning with a beautiful family. They needed help. I reached out to help them. It was a family that was broken, yet strong. The mother met with me and brought both her 7 and 2-year-old girls. Unfortunately, her and her boyfriend (the father of the two-year-old) recently broke up. The mother works 12-hour shifts 5 days a week as a surgical technician in DC (45–50 min away from her house.) The older girl suffers from epilepsy and cognitive delays. She needed my help for 13 hours shifts for 6 days. As I was listening to her, I could feel her presence — a strong mother, reminding me of my mother.
However, from growing up and learning how hard it is to raise a family alone. How hard it can be to remain strong. However, She only had $300 to give me for 6 days/ 74 hours. She couldn’t afford me.
As a businesswoman, this was absurd.
As a nurse, I just wanted to reach out and help her.
But, as a human, I knew that I had to pay my bills. I knew that I would be exhausted and I still would have the burden of my own endeavors.
I had to thoughtfully decline. HARDEST THING I HAD TO DO IN A WHILE. But, I was exhausted, I knew doing this job would kill me. I work too hard, i would just end up burning myself out.
It gets even harder to decline as she kept raising the price. I was hesitant. She was desperate. Piece by piece I fell a part as the $5 an hour raised to $12. Which became more reasonable. But in the back of my mind, I would be stealing from her. It wouldn’t be fair to her. On the other hand, she had 2 days to find someone new. I couldn’t throw her under the bus. I just couldn’t. I said okay I can help Monday. However, she found a replacement. I can’t imagine how much stress and anxiety she must have gone through after I declined. To find someone to help is magnificent. I was happy yet, I felt like I hurt her. I felt like I should have done something.
I learned that sometimes in life you have to make decisions, and those decisions may or may not hurt someone else. It’s important to step back and place your self in their shoes as well as from a 3rd person perspective. I had to be aware of all the circumstances.
She needed someone. However, I would have work too hard, I would have ended up burning my self out. So not only would I have made $300, I still wouldn’t even afford to pay my insurance or car payments... Then I would have ended up throwing my self under the bus. Is this selfish? I don’t know, But, it hurt, and it sure felt like it.
However after my car accident last January I learned that Mental health, mental care, mindfulness, and health, in general, are more important than a job. It can wait for you to heal. I had to medically withdrawal. I knew by continuing my education in the state I was in, was not only detrimental to my wellbeing but also my future patients. I needed to become my best and most healthiest self. Therefore, I made the decision to step back and take the time to heal. Just as I had to do with that family I met this morning.