It’s time to adopt a new attitude of self-kindness—a core component of self-compassion. This means being kind to your “self” and being mindful and understanding that pain is unavoidable. Treat yourself with compassion.

When you make a mistake—and you will—acknowledge the mistake without judgment, accept the pain without struggle, care about yourself, comfort yourself, and stay in the moment with your experience rather than using it to keep your stories from the past alive or fuel your catastrophic stories about the future (e.g., “No one will ever love me,” “In the end I will be alone,” “I’ll never be good enough to be loved.”).

Make a commitment to give yourself what you should have been given (and may not have been given) when you were younger.

This means that instead of punishing yourself for not being good enough you are acknowledging your continual efforts to do the best that you can. Allow yourself to be emotionally moved by your pain rather than blaming yourself and thereby creating more pain.

Morgan Sarkissian